What to expect when

 What should you expect from your community when you tell them about your abusive relationship?  

Short version, and also the best you can expect, nothing. 

The vast majority of community members will give a half hearted response of pity in your general direction.  The community leaders now... they'll be sure you know that they believe survivors and #metoo.  Then they will do nothing.  

Your abuser wants to come to parties, join private discussion groups, play with leaders and their friends, hunt new victims and hurt more people?  Sure.  Community leaders will claim impartiality, say they don't want any drama in their group and generally insure your abrupt departure.  Your abuser isn't the drama they don't want.  You are. 

That is the *best* case scenario.  If you keep quiet and don't cause too much trouble you'll be accepted.  If you speak out?  If you tell your side of the story? The vast majority of the time you will be vilified.  You are rocking the boat, causing drama, violating confidentiality.  You are the criminal for being violated and daring to speak out. 

I will not be justifying my claim of abuse.  You will either believe me or not.  I don't owe you my trauma. You are not the judge and jury of the harm that was caused. 

Go ahead and keep that person in your community.  I am sure they will show you who they are.  And when they do? Please refer to the beginning of this statement. 

Love,

Your Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 

GG Speaks, an introduction

 There is no expectation of privacy on the internet.  No firewalls, passwords or secret codes are going to protect you from someone determined to show their ass.  The hardest lesson I learned was how to let go and walk away.  Is it any wonder, then, that I don't know how to see the love and affection in someone who isn't completely obsessed with permeating my entire life all at once? 

What is this gentle, friendly love made of cat pictures and quiet moments? What will you learn to love about me without the obfuscation of lust? What will I learn about myself? 

I never learned how to see my value and not my loss.  I was always taught to paint thick lines around the negative spaces. I stopped recognizing the face that's in the mirror.  All I can see is caution tape and the rubble of reconstruction. What comes next in the discovery of long hidden blueprints?

The thing about moving on is that I am always going to be here.  There are person shaped scars that won't fade entirely regardless of how far I travel. Happiness will never be found in relocation.  You don't find happiness.  You can't suddenly discover something that has always lived there.  It has been lingering behind my raw edges in places where I'm scared to reach.  It hurts to reach past those wounds.  But I can see it, behind the pain.

That's all I know for now.

Signed,

Your Crazy Ex-girlfriend